cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
