I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
