i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
