Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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