dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
