Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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