and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
