dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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