You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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