I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
