The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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