sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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