She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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