I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
