Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
