i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
