Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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