PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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