I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
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i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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