I bet he comes in French.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
