let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
