Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
