my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Everclear isn't food dammit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
