are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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