my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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