It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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