I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
