when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
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my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry about my life...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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