1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize