you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
