i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Congratulations! We have a period
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
