Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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