I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
