Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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