Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
