my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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