u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
