just tell him i said nine months
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
