Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
love makes seman taste better
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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