Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.