he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
