Define "chronic" masturbator.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption