These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.