Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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