I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
