I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
