I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
