she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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