So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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