I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
