It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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