Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
