did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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