Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
