If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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