kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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