Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
