I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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