i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
