It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just threw up on my dentist
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
