You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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