I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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